Wednesday, January 29, 2014

4 Years

January is doomed, and I don't know what to do about that*.  Between Beloved Friend and the haunting memories of my last pregnancy, the entire month is a grief bomb.

I have still not quite recovered from my experiences of 4 years ago, and probably the 3 experiences before that one, or maybe it was all of them combined that broke me. Today, I do not feel as broken as I did at this moment 4 years ago, but the damage was extensive, and I'm starting to think it will never completely heal.

Right now, I will try to ignore all of that and focus on the excitement of a newly-turned 4 year old boy who has waited and waited and WAITED for his birthday to get here (I MAY understand that feeling, Mr. Born at 39 weeks 6 days...) and absolutely believes that he is the center of the world and that all of his birthday dreams will come true.


Precious, soft, squishy 9 pound, 22 1/2" baby boy

*Yes, I am taking my medicine, exercising 5-6 days per week, using my SAD light, praying, reading scriptures, judiciously applying CDPs, ice cream, and chocolate, and I have tried counseling, more than once, for an extended period of time.



7 comments:

Salome Ellen said...

Wow, I didn't realized that our "babies" share a birthday. Mine is 21 today.

Doing My Best said...

It must be a good day to be born :-). Jeffrey has an uncle and two cousins born on this day too, and another twitter friend's first baby was born 13 years ago!

MomQueenBee said...

I'm sorry.

Jessica said...

Goodness, just reading those hyperemesis posts makes me almost get PTSD! I don't know how you survived it. So glad you're on the other side!

Clueless But Hopeful said...

This is a particularly rough month, so cold, so dark. Be good to yourself, lady. You are a bright light in this world. oxoxox

d e v a n said...

Happy 4th to your boy! I hope February is brighter for you!

Emily said...

Happy birthday to you and your beutiful boy. I hope February is a brighter month for you.

I went back and read your post describing Jeffrey's brith and I could relate somewhat. I had severe, unending nasuea with my second pregnancy and it also stopped, literally, the moment the baby was born. It was so strange how it turned off like a switch. And I too wanted to eat, really eat for the first time in nine months. It was an easy birth (baby was three weeks early and only 5 lbs 12 ounces) so eight hours after the birth we checked ourselves out of the hospital and came home and feasted!